Snow and Lights
by ElegantArrow 64
Summary: “Because you were my one and only flaw Light-kun,” he whispered, pressing a pale finger against Light’s lips. “ And I’m determined to fix you.” Christmas Carol Spin-off Light/L
1. Chapter 1

I battled with myself over this for awhile and finally it all formed together rather nicely. Hello, my name is **Fire. **Christmas stories are my specialty and this will be my first ever Death Note Christmas fic. I posted this chapter a year ago but took it offline do to not being able to finish it. I'm changing that now, hopefully.

This is not an AU. My original idea for this story was to have it start off as an AU but after giving it some thought, it's not that hard to take 'The Christmas Carol' and stitch it into the Death Note storyline.

A word of warning though. If you want your traditional 'Christmas Carol' plot with every Dickens character simply warped into the bodies of our beloved Death Note cast complete with a heart warming ending sprinkled with candy canes and sugar plums, this isn't for you. Happy and cheerful just isn't 'Death Note.' Not even Christmas can change that folks, sorry to say (thouh I may give you an option.)

Also, this includes Shonen- Ai, specifically, LightL and a few other hints. Don't like, don't read. Want more? I'll see what kind of a response I get from the first chapter. Hinthint…

Wow, I rarely write anything which takes place during the second arch, go me!

NOW READ!

Snow.

The cold, sparkling substance had blanketed the bustling city of Tokyo like icing on a cake. It rattled the windows of the local shops, tainted the shriveling, dirt crusted ground, and iced the paved roads. Old man winter had finally made it's first move of the season, lacing its fingers into the dieing earth with frost bitten hands- adding it's final touch onto the bustling Tokyo Wonderland.

Light Yagami was oblivious.

"Light-kun!"

The young man lazily directed his chestnut eyes to the grinning figure of his team member, not batting so much as an eyelash as he stared at the cherry red hat positioned atop the cops head. The remaining team members were packing up for the day, an air of cheeriness about them which caused Light's already sour mood to plummet as he watched them button up their coats and pat him on the shoulder before disappearing out into the snowy night.

"Yes, Matsuda?" Light asked, nodding at Aizawa as he slipped out the sliding doors like a shadow. He knew the man wanted to be home with his family, the cold vibes he had been receiving from him since he had announced to the investigation team that they would be working into the winter holidays, was beginning to prove annoying. The man had become bolder during his absence, his eyes constantly digging into Light's skull wherever he moved. He knew Nears little transmissions were beginning to sway his loyalty and he was waiting for the day he would walk out.

'_He's just another foot in the door… if that…'_

"Have a Merry Christmas!" Matsuda chirped, his hat tilting to the side, giving off the appearance of a deranged elf. "Tell Misa and your family I wish them a Merry Christmas too, alright?"

Light offered him a nod but nothing else. He was afraid if he uttered even a casual 'goodnight' the cop would try to start up a conversation. Thankfully Matsuda took Light's silence as a hint and disappeared out into the cold snow leaving Light alone in the vacated building; a god left to roam about his castle.

His mood remained shallow.

It wasn't that Light hated Christmas. As commercial as the American holiday was, he had happily celebrated it with his family over the last twenty-two years of his life- dinner, presents, decorations, the works. He had received his watch for Christmas as a matter of fact, the damn thing proving more useful then he had ever imagined. He remembered the English carols and the American T.V specials him and his sister would watch, paying more attention to the animation then the scrolling subtitles plastered beneath, cutting out half the picture. His father had even joined them on several occasions, his eyes drooping from his long hours at work. He had looked old even then…

Light felt his heart tremble faintly, slipping his coat on over his suit and tie. His father- no. Soichiro Yagami was dead. He had failed.

He had failed Kira.

The man carefully began to button up his coat, the silence pressing upon him painfully as he fumbled with his outerwear. He stared at his faded hands, his slender fingers working in the dimmed light causing him to appear paler then usual; or maybe this was simply how he appeared these days. It had been along time since he had actually taken a good, long look at himself. His physical appearance meant little (though Misa reminded him nearly every waking hour that he was the most beautiful person alive, a god of gods and her knight in shining armor. )

But as he shifted his hand to fasten the few remaining button, the cuff of his dress shirt slid down past his wrist revealing the familiar white band of skin tattooed into his oriental complexion- a reminder of the past.

Light froze in place.

It didn't hurt anymore. As far as he was concerned, it had never hurt. He had felt nothing but joy once that sugar loving freak was wiped from the face of the planet. He had enjoyed watching the light leave those blank, soulless eyes, freeing Light from there hold and shattering beyond repair. To final see the bastard _break. _After the hell he had put Light through, all of those headaches and sleepless nights…

_..A look he had never seen before sliding across the detectives face like silk, color blossoming in his milk white cheeks as he leaned closer, lips parting ever so slightly before leaning in with child like awkwardness…_

DAMN IT!

The button burst from Light's coat like a cherry from it's stem and bounced twice against the stone floor before rolling into the center of the room, the soft light from outside brushing against it's smooth surface as it rattled to a halt. The room reverted back to it's death like silence, now laced with the sound of Light's staggered breath. Damn it all… He didn't **fucking** need this. Not when he was so close… his goal nearly within his grasp…

Ryuuzaki needed to be forgotten.

Ignoring the button, Light grabbed his briefcase and turned to face the door. The snow whistled and blew against the glass like an animal, all Christmas card qualities now absent causing the scene to appear chilling and dangerous.

Fucking perfect…

Light lowered his briefcase in silence, wondering how long it would take for the storm to clear up. Not that he actually wanted to return home with his depressing mother and mentally disturbed sister. Misa was away in America for a photo shoot and promised she would return by late morning next day (though the storm would hopefully keep her from returning. She could celebrate Christmas in charming America for all he cared- catch up on there little terrorist problem. ) He was used to staying in the investigation headquarters anyway.

_..Hands laced together, fingers clawing against stale, hot air as toes curled steadily in and out in rhythm with the building thrusts, unleashing sounds Light had never heard part from human lips…_

STOP!

A loud popping sound shot through the air as Light balled his hand into a tight fist, his knuckles cracking as his fingers clenched. He wanted his mind to stop, to be incapable of memory; every fucking, stupid ass memory of when he had been ignorant and blind, a teenager with foolish hopes and dreams which had been implanted into his head by society and his father's scraped view of human justice.

To think he would have turned out such a way if it wasn't for the Death Note…

He couldn't have been more thankful.

Feeling his feet start to ache beneath his weight, Light sauntered over to the stairs hoping to gain some comfort, even if it meant sitting on the edge of a metal platted step for lord knows how long. He stopped however when his eyes fell upon the familiar spot, the memories tickling him horribly.

_His fingers pressed against the rubbery sole of his foot, applying pressure in areas Light had never felt before causing him to squirm. It was awkward, the way he concentrated on his handiwork letting the silence stretch out between them minus the occasional drip of water from there drenched bodies. The smell of rain was overpowering…_

'_Light-kun.'_

The man jumped, the hair on the back of his neck prickling as he turned on the spot, his heart thudding madly in his chest threatening to burst from it's confinement and spill onto the marble floor, his pupils dilating. He… he had imagined it. There was no other explanation. Even as he stood staring off into the emptiness of the frigid lobby, the snow pounding against the sliding glass doors like hell itself, he knew.

The silence was getting to him, that was all.

Perhaps it was because he wasn't use to being alone. He was constantly in the presence of the investigation team, Matsuda breathing down his neck and Near constantly popping in with his little announcements. Hell, as soon as he stepped into the comfort of his own home he was mauled by his bubbling blonde fiancé' and left to please her. He even missed Ryuk and his constant snickering, slightly regretting pawning him off on Mikami despite the situation.

He had never been this alone before.

Yet part of him was telling himself he wasn't the only one in the building.

Christmas spirit be damned.

'Light.'

Cold metal clamped down upon Light's wrist and the man spun around before he could stop himself, eye wide with fright, the familiar sound of metal upon metal ringing in his ears. Amidst the darkness, black mirror like eyes gazed at him like coals free from a fire, framed by skin so white Light could practically see through it- or maybe he could. It was hard to tell when the person standing before him wasn't supposed to even be there in the first place.

But he was. Light's eyes never lied, he knew that for a fact. The apparition standing before him was Ryuuzaki through and through; from the messy mop of raven black hair to the bare soles of his feet. He would of believed him to be a figment of his own warped imagination if it wasn't for the cuff digging into the sensitive skin of his wrist, his nerves becoming numb from the inhuman coldness spreading through his veins rendering his left arm useless.

What… what was going on?

"R-Ryuuzaki…" Light's voice came out little more then a squeak and the detective stepped forward, his eyes set into an unreadable expression. Light could feel the nineteen year old inside of him quiver in shame, the eyes of the man he had watched die in his very arms boring into him with an intensity far beyond the normal humans need for revenge.

There was sadness also.

"I think 'L' would be more appropriate, given the current situation Light-kun." he muttered coldly, placing his hands inside his pockets, his eyes never straying from the mans face. He paused for a moment, contemplating to himself, before letting his lips slide back into a faint smirk, one of realization and amusement. "Or should I say… Kira."

"Why… how.. your…" he stuttered, trying to pull himself together. "Your fucking DEAD!"

"Yes, I believe that has been established." Ryuuzaki nodded, taking another step toward Light causing the man to back up into the staircase, tumbling backward so he was gazing up into the detectives black eyes.

Steadily, his thumb found its way to his mouth and his cold gaze softened. "Wasn't that what Kira-sama wanted?" he whispered sadly.

"Yes and I would do it again if I had the chance!" Light spat, ignoring the burning pain in his heart. He was humiliated, cowering before the ghost of L like some scolded child. Was that how the god of the new world was supposed to act? If L had learned anything from the past it was that Light was not to be messed with.

L had lost, nothing was going to change that.

"I'm sorry to disappoint you but that was a one time deal." he spoke hollowly, tugging on the chair so Light was forced to sit on his knees. "I'm here for only one purpose."

"And what's that, to prove I'm Kira?" Light smirked, his eyes glinting. He was nothing but a fucking ghost, he couldn't prove anything. Hell, he wasn't even sure if he could leave the building.

"To give you…" he bit his lip, his eyebrows knitting together beneath his veil of black hair. He seemed to be battling with himself over something. L barely ever showed emotion, even though Light had been lucky during his time with him. Light had been…

… special.

"To give you a second chance." he finished, his voice low.

Light blinked.

"A second chance for what?"

"Yagami-kun, what you are doing is wrong and I am determined to prove that to you even in death." he snapped, grabbing the man by the front of his jacket so there faces were inches apart, the faintest scent of sugar on the detectives breath. "You can never truly reverse what you've done but I won't have you parting from this world, whether it be hanging from the gallows or by old age, without understanding the true meaning of justice. "

"I am justice!" Light hissed, digging his fingers into the frigid flesh of L's wrist before watching them sink through his skin like glass. "I managed to defeat _you _didn't I!?"

Ryuuzaki smiled, his face darkening. "I admit I lost the battle but as long as my successors remain in tact, the war will continue until Kira is caught. "

Light's eyes narrowed in aggravation and he opened his mouth to offer some form of vulgarity to his diseased rival, when the detective suddenly sunk to his knees, resting his head in the crook of Light's neck sending a wave of chills rocketing through the interior of his body. The situation was all too familiar, awakening memories Light had struggled to suppress in his quest for world reign. Perhaps it was because he had secretly longed for the detectives embrace that he didn't attempt to push him away; or maybe he simply knew using force would only result in shoving his hand through frigid air.

Regardless, he remained frozen.

"I secretly hoped it wasn't you…" he whispered, sadness dripping from his voice like rain. "Never in my life have I ever hoped my calculations were wrong. "

A weak laugh slipped from his throat.

"But I've never been wrong… _ever._"

Silence slipped between them, heavy with unspoken words both were to afraid- to ashamed to speak. Light's hands flexed at his sides as he remembered how much he had missed L's touch, his awkward embrace and quirky personality which he had been forced to endure during his three month confinement. Seeing him now… like this…

"Why…" Light swallowed, his voice shaking. " Why do you want to help me? After everything I did to you…"

Ryuuzaki shifted, raising his head so his gaze laced with the chestnut haired mans, his breath catching in his throat. Even in death he was beautiful, a unique type of beauty only Light had grown to accept.

"Because you were my one and only flaw Light-kun," he whispered, pressing a pale finger against Light's lips. " And I'm determined to fix you."

His words hung in the air like ice, a game-like playfulness attached to them throwing Light off guard. He had rendered him speechless, unable to find a proper response.

What was there to say?

"Three ghosts Light-kun." Ryuuzaki informed him, holding up three fingers in front of his face before rising to his feet. "Hopefully three will be enough. I'm risking a lot doing this for you, you know…"

His image began to fade before his eyes and Light's eyes widened, feeling his heart scream in protest. He remained silent however, his eyes speaking for him as he watched the ghost of his lover dissolve before his eyes.

'_Why…?'_

He would never see him again. Or perhaps he had never seen him at all; a dream perhaps…?

No…

In a rush of wind Ryuuzaki was gone leaving Light utterly alone, the handcuffs still clasped to his wrist trailing across the floor into the darkness glittering like jewels in the light of the snow.

'_why give me another chance?'_

He never received an answer.

_KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK_

Fire: I fixed a few things, my writing has changed since I posted this. Feedback is welcome, in need of encouragement to keep this going which helps with your reviews, favorites, the works. Happy Thanksgiving!


	2. Chapter 2

New chapter, lets go!

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note- nothing. Got it?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"_and I saw the tears on your face  
I shot you down and I slammed the door  
but couldn't make a sound  
so please stay sweet my dear  
don't hate me now  
I cant tell how this last song ends"_

- The last Song Ever, Secondhand Serenade

The snow had quieted down, a thick sheet of white raining down from the sky, a barrier keeping Light from venturing out into his car and escaping this little game he had found himself trapped in. The clock ticked away the minutes and still he couldn't bring himself to move from his spot on the steps, staring at where L had just stood, questioning his sanity. It wasn't possible… but then again, he had never thought entities such as Shinigami's existed anywhere other then the crusted pages of books. Who was he to say that ghosts didn't exist?

But to see L again- his judgment was the last thing he wanted. Perhaps because deep down he had managed to burry the guilt of his passing and force himself to move on, his ego and confidence swelling in order to hide the scraps the other had left him with.

The corner of his mouth twitched ever so slightly- he was letting this get to him… nothing was preventing him from venturing home, snow meant nothing. He would walk if it meant escaping from work and the entity of L he feared was still prowling around several floors above.

_Plop!_

His hands had already began gripping the floor to push himself to his feet when he saw it drop from oblivion- he was skeptical at first, squinting his eyes at the tiny object now resting on the bottom stair. He reached over and picked it up, a shiver running down his spine.

A… sugar cube?

"Ryuu-" the word caught on the end of his tongue, eyes widening as the small morsel began to dissolve, red flowing across his fingers, dripping onto his pant leg as if he had just sliced himself. It took him by surprise at first, wondering if it was filled with something fruity as some sort of joke or surprise but the coppery scent which reached his nose told him he was way off.

'_kukukuku….'_

A small giggle from behind broke Light from his statue like shock and he scrambled down the steps on all fours, looking back into the shadows fearfully, lips twitching. What emerged was something he couldn't quite describe with words, or at least… want too. For a fearful moment he thought he was staring at L but something about his smile and posture was different and out of place- like a shadow of his former enemy.

But still…

What began to head down the stairs toward him was a replica of L. From the messy black locks to the awkwardly large fit of his jeans it would seem clear that this was the one and only detective who had visited him not so long ago. It was in his face that gave away the lie- where hollow orbs were meant to reside in his sockets, a pair of red gems stared out at him in the same blank like fashion. A smirk rested on his lips as if it had been molded there since birth, making Lights messily gathered composure seem like a joke in his shadow.

Light was too perplexed to ask questions. Fortunately the copy took on the role for him.

"Well now," the red-eyed L spoke, a child like tone accompanying his words. "This is really it. This is…" he cocked his head to the side, studying him with a hungry like expression making the man feel even more uncomfortable. "… The famous Kira."

Light noticed his mocking tone and, sensing a hit on his pride, spoke up with venom in his words. "And you ar-"

His voice faltered as his bottom lip was grabbed, pinched between the others fingers as he leaned down to look at him, red eyes nearly reflecting off the white tone of Lights now rigid face. "Speaking to me isn't an option right now." He sang, eyes almost dreamy while he studied him, eyes running up and down his body. "No… no,no,no,no not when you run around murdering people with a plastic pen and a sheet of paper." He shook his head, sighing. "Really Kira, if I would have deserved such a simple death I would have done it that way myself. Though that didn't go so well either." He giggled, digging his nail into his lip while the other attempted to pull free, splitting the skin in the process. The taste of copper teased his tongue but he was too terrified to notice, convinced the man would rip his jaw off if given the opportunity.

For a moment the other seemed to consider it as he noticed the blood against the tips of his fingers but the red in his eyes dulled, almost as if he were waking up from a dream. He let go of Lights lip carelessly and sat down in front of him, knees curled up to his chest, mocking L's usual position. Lights eyes narrowed in disgust and loathing.

"Who are you?" he asked again quietly, hands bracing the step beneath him in case he had to make a move to escape. The other seemed to control himself even as he noted Lights possible attempt to avoid an attack and simply laughed, curling his fingers in his jeans.

"Do you remember the name… Beyond Birthday?"

It took Light a moment. He had met many people in his life, seen many names, killing many and saving many over the years. Such a name was odd in a world of few individuals and if it weren't for such an oddity, he would have never remembered the other at all. The third day of Lights killings with the notebook he had come across the name in a list of prisoners within the state of California. The image they had taken of him was unrecognizable do to third degree burns and he had lingered as little as possible on such a failure for a criminal- nevertheless he had disposed of him as a precaution.

Light looked up at him in recognition. "You were a criminal in LA-"

"I was no such thing." He countered, ice in his tone. "Those people were doomed to die at the exact moment I killed them, I only countered it with my own method."

Lights mind pieced together the existence of such a possibility, coming to a simple yet complicated solution "Shinigami eyes… but ho-"

"Yes, _but how_?" he looked at him, head lowering like a child preparing to be scolded, eyes cold. "Perhaps Kira can explain it to me since you've taken liberty of claiming everything else."

"Like wha-"

"L's life…" he hated his voice, hated hearing him talk, and his hatred grew in his words. "… was not yours to take."

The clock began to chime in the distance, tolling the hour while the two stared at each other, no words needed. Their eyes told it all- two criminals in denial of their sins and enchanted by the same man who had served as their enemy. The obsession was visible above all in B's appearance. Light's was visible in his eyes and the shame he brought with his excuse of justice.

B broke the silence, standing up. "I've been sent here by him…" he struggled with the next words as if he were chewing on a razor, metal twisted about his tongue. "… to show you what you've done wrong."

"Really?" Light stood up, mirroring him with a threatening stance. "Did he show you your mistakes too? That murdering people is unforgivable?"

Laughter rang throughout the room so powerful and cold that Light couldn't stop the chills from rolling up his spine, the image of his Shinigami counterpart flashing before his eyes as the other cackled and shook.

"Kira," he straightened up, trying to straighten his face but the laugh wouldn't detach from his features, making him look crazed and ruffled. "Even the great L knows when someone is unfixable. Especially when even in death he can't see how much someone loves him." The monster flashed in his eyes and he held out his hand to the other, tilting his head like an owl. "Are you ready?"

Lights stared at his hand in silence. So…this game of L's was real. This ghost… no… this demon was nothing but a pawn to guide Light onto the field of this game. Why should he battle with L in death when he had already defeated him in life?

"He told me about you."

Lights amber eyes flickered.

"You think you can deny being a bad person when you killed someone you love without any true craft, without getting your hands dirty?" B flexed his fingers in welcome, licking his bottom lip. "Come on Kira. Afraid to take yourself down to my level?"

And how could Light not accept when he was being challenged so openly by someone he viewed as nothing more then a crazed criminal, a smudge of dirt across the pavement? He would show him he was far greater than that of a common criminal- that L's death wasn't in vein. And if not him (for the other seemed like he could care less about Lights _morals) _then he would prove it to himself. He would ease what little guilt he had for L's death.

And with this in mind, he grabbed the man's hand and felt the chilling atmosphere of headquarters disappear from around him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The surface beneath him had changed though Light himself found it hard to focus as he lost the feel of the others cold hand and was left gripping nothing. The silence that had once been accompanied by the winter wind was gone now, the sound of distance traffic meeting his ears, the feel of the carpet against his hands. When he opened his eyes he found himself on the floor, eyes focusing on his surroundings, which brought a terrible lurch to his stomach.

Beyond…no, L… was this part of his plan?

Light was perplexed to find himself in his very own room. His bed, bookshelf, desk, everything was present except for a few items that were nowhere to be found. Frowning, he slowly stood up to get a better look at the area and stumbled back at the site of his bed. The sheets were different, however not in recognition. They were old, _eight years old_ in fact.

Light growled in annoyance at this scam. What was the point of this? The more he stared about the room the more he felt as if he were reliving a dream. Everything was his and had belonged to him at one point, if not still. It bothered him even more that he was smart enough to put the pieces together and assume he was somewhere in the past. A perfect storybook setting- a Christmas special.

L's sense of humor made him _sick_.

His rage was dampened by the creak of the door and he prepared himself for the worst but the worst came in the form of a thirteen year old boy; chestnut locks, chocolate brown eyes, a mirror of innocence Light no longer bared any resemblance too. The boy looked right past him as he discarded his school jacket and sat on his bed, a look of annoyance in his young eyes. A bruise rested on the right side of his cheek and Light, memories of such a time long forgotten, felt his anger prick a the outer shell of his heart.

This boy…

"You can't see me can you?" he murmured, looking at himself from behind. "It's just like watching a film…" and when he looked at the big picture Light was actually happy the other wasn't hanging over him to make comments about his life. Sending such a twisted person as his guide… why couldn't L simply have guided him himself if he as so bold to 'change' him?

The younger Light had taken to pulling a book from his nightstand, sitting with it in his lap. It was a law book his father had given him for his tenth birthday. He had shown interest in the subject at a young age and as his reading skill progressed, so did his interest in the contexts of its pages. It was his bible- his reason for studying as hard as he did and the torn pages and bruised cover were proof of his love.

But the bruise… the damn bruise was the payment he had to sacrifice for his pride.

A quiet knock came from his door and immediately the young Light looked up, the shadowed look in his eyes tucked away for the moment. He hid the book under his pillow right before his father walked in; his face held the same exhaustion, a hard look that was soft enough to fit that of a father with two kids and a job that required him to risk his life each passing day. His eyes strayed to the bruise on Light's face and the welcoming smile he wore faded to a softer setting.

"Light, your mother tells me you've had a rough day."

"… It's nothing dad." He smiled up at him the same lying smile he would perfect later on. "It was just a misunderstanding."

"Light," he observed the bruise with old eyes, planning his words. "It's a good thing you did helping that boy near the lockers. The teacher called us and she seemed more worried about you then your behavior."

"Because she knows what I did was rig-"

"Son." The tone of his voice caught Lights attention and the lie hid away in fear on his young face. "Your teacher is right in not punishing you but I don't want you to go around thinking it's okay to use violence to save others. It would have been better if you would have contacted your teacher, they're always willing to listen."

He shook his head. "Dad it's not the simple."

"You can always tell me if it's anything serious, it's my job to help people Light." His voice was almost pleading, all hints of anger and reprimanding extinguished. "Don't do anything that's going to put others in harm- even if they are bad people."

And even then Light knew he was wrong. Every single thing he said was wrong and he let the man know in his silence and lies so cleverly hidden in the folds of youth and kindness, strapping on the understanding smile and offering a nod of understanding. "Thanks Dad." His voice chimed. And Soichiro Yagami smiled down at his son and left the room with a warning for dinner thinking he had done something right- he was being a good parent, showing his son the right path. He would believe his teachings and efforts to be worthy to the very end of his life when he would die with his son forcing a pen into his cold hand, screaming for him to end the life of his final enemy.

The young Light sat holding his head in heavy silence, shadows dancing about the room with the setting of the sun. The older Light took a bold step forward from his spot behind the bed, staring at the door where his father had disappeared through.

"Your wrong Dad…" both of them whispered into the air. The young Light simply took out his Law Book and began reading but Light Yagami brushed a tear from his eye, shaking. He had blocked out the passing of his father… he had blocked out his very existence in order to obtain his goal. Seeing him like this so spirited and free from another time was only bringing truth to the fact that he was gone.

Only a fraction of the truth L wished for him to see.

"It's not working L," he breathed, blinking back the tears of a boy who had lost the very figure who had awakened such a strong desire for justice in his heart. "None of this means anything to me, my fathers death was unavoidable, sacrifices had to be made!"

The room began to blink out in a swirl of color, dusting across Lights feet like chalk washed away by the coming rain. He shut his eyes to keep himself from seeing the oblivion of this magic, hoping the game was over but he knew L was nowhere near done. The twisted little bastard was far more persistent.

"_Tearing up in the first round?"_ came a sinister voice in the wind, twirling about Light threateningly.

"My father means nothing," Light spat, covering his eyes to keep himself from peaking out at the entity. "Tell L his sacrifice was just as important as his!"

"_Oh really?"_

The tone in the voice made his skin crawl and his ears roared with the vortex like noise surrounding him as the false world reshaped itself to fit Lights twisted past.

"_How about we take a vote?"_

And the noise stopped.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

'_There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave  
You were what I wanted  
I gave what I gave  
I'm not sorry I met you  
I'm not sorry it's over  
I'm not sorry there's nothing to say'_

- Your Ex-lover is Dead, Stars

Sunlight… it tickled Lights eyelids with all the warmth and shine of the real thing. His hand reached out to grab hold of something to help him up, brushing his fingertips across faded denim; his eyes shot open in disgust. The copy was standing next to him, red eyes focused on his form in equal repulsion.

"Why are you here?" he snarled.

"Always with the questions, your tongue would have a better use in my pocket." B smirked, fingers flexing in anticipation.

"If L would have wanted me dead I would be dead already." He sat up and began to pull himself to his feet when his gaze caught site of the contents of the space about him. The color in his face drained away almost instantly, knuckles whitening.

"No…" his voice came out in a small croak, golden eyes shrinking. "No, not with you here!"

"What's wrong Kira?" B couldn't help but gloat at the man's sudden loss of pride, peering down at him, eyes flashing. "Afraid to show me your intimate moments?"

And he was- in fact, Light was terrified beyond belief. The room around him was as familiar as the back of his own hand, his studio in which he and L had concocted a relationship so complex and twisted the original colors they had splashed about carelessly were hardly visible beneath the streaks of black. His heart ached with the weight of his guilt and it kept him frozen on the floor, a captive to his own memory.

Beyond sensed his fear. He could see it plainly in every feature of his young complexion, in the very curve of his throat. What B couldn't see was his own jealousy, which burned away at the tattered remains of his soul L had managed to piece together for this… this _use_. An emotion he had hoped to be free of in his belated death.

Both were rendered silent by their own emotions as the scene began to play out.

"You do a horrible job at telling him we're busy." Lights voice echoed from behind the rooms closed door, the handle moving up to allow the two men entrance. The goodness that had once reigned supreme in Lights memory free mind was prominent in the way he carried himself, in the golden rim of his eyes, his very words. He had already made his way to the bed by the time the detective had shut and locked the door behind them, his face still bearing the same blank expression he wore to keep the others from guessing, even _hinting_ at the face that they were so…

… So close.

"Lying to him isn't doing us any favors Light-kun." Ryuuzaki sighed, looking at the other as if he had spouted three heads. Light grabbed his hand and pulled him closer causing him to stumble, a hint of amber building beneath his shadowed eyes as the other kissed him longingly- as if they had been apart for ages, two lovers united as one.

"Ryuuzaki, would it hurt to kiss back once in awhile?" Light breathed, pulling away after three agonizing minutes.

The others hand came to scratch the back of his neck, looking to the side. "Light-kun, you know I know nothing of this sort of thing."

"You're lying. You were so into it the other day…" he kissed the corner of his mouth, wrapping his arms about his waist to pull him forward and onto the bed, the chain becoming tangled about their feet. L pinned his hands to the side of the bed with an air of order about him- either that or he was simply confused by Lights touchiness. The boy had become overwhelming ever since the week before… when things had _slipped_. "Light, I'm worried over your father listening in. Your behavior is unacceptable for such a situation."

"Really?" Light looked up at the other, kissing his chin as he moved his hips up to graze his in their perfect position. "How do you know what's acceptable when it comes to love?"

A shadow crossed L's eyes and whatever understanding he had held was now gone. "Love?"

"… Yes." The humor faded from Lights face, pulling away from L's hold so he was free to pull him down into his arms, cradling him against his chest. L accepted the actions and hesitantly wrapped his arms about the other. He was learning affection… something he had neglected to study in his childhood. "Why do you love me Light-kun?" he asked quietly.

He searched for an answer- a good one. An answer L couldn't pull apart with his reasoning and logic. But who said love was ever logical? Whoever fell in love with someone in just a week's time was a fool in the first place forever calling it love. But Light couldn't deny it, especially now that he had said it out loud. This man held something he was attracted too… a similarity of sorts.

"I love you… because it's probably the only thing I've ever really felt right about." He murmured against his hair, arms tightening around him. "In this big mess I've found myself in I can truly say I feel like this is… right."

"… Even though I suspect you to be Kira you still love me." L echoed in his own translation, nail coming up between his teeth. "Love is… a strong word Light-kun."

"And so is the word criminal, which part of you believes me to be…" Light reminded him hollowly. Silence settled around them uncomfortable and strong, making their embrace feel forced and false. As if to counter the words L ran a silent hand through the boy's hair and allowed the trouble to show in his expression, hidden from the other by his position. Light took note of this look for the first time from his spot behind the bed and felt it drag across his heart with the force of a million nails, tearing it to shreds. L had known none of this was right… and yet he went along with it for Lights sake, to please him. L's own love for him was present but dealing with it was one of the hardest things he ever had to endure- all the way to the moment before his passing when everything made sense….

"Kiss me."

The words rang out and the silence shattered into millions of tiny pieces, catching the other Lights eye as he reacted to the detective's request, staring at him. L stared back with care… as if he were sentencing himself to death yet longed for it's tender touch.

"Kiss me…" he murmured, brushing his finger across his bottom lip experimentally. "This case was bound to end badly in the first place, why not complicate things?"

Light had laughed too hard to notice the sadness in his words; he kissed him with all the love and happiness in the world and basked in the glory of getting what he had wanted. Once again… L was letting him. Each kiss he left against his lips was another bruise for him to hide. Light didn't have consequences when he didn't have his memories. L had his theories to keep him open to the guilt.

Only now did Light realize how terrible of a person he was.

"Lets leave…" he turned his eyes away from the image of himself entwined with the other, the sound of the chain clinking between them as they continued to grow closer, making Light cringe at what was about to come. "… Now, please. Lets go."

"_Begging now, are we?" _

Immediately the world around them began to fade but Light was too numb to close his eyes. The voice that had just spoken to him was coated in so much venom he was afraid to confront its owner.

Beyond didn't deal with such cowardliness- he grabbed the man by the hair, forcing him to look into his eyes, nails digging into his scalp. "Did you enjoy snuggling against him while you were plotting his death Kira? Did you like the feel of his lips against yours while you were so oblivious that you were nothing more than a common criminal, a rat like me?"

"I'm nothing like you!" Light hissed, staring at him in a fight to keep his pride. He wouldn't listen to him- nothing this man said mattered, he was little more than dirt on the sole of his shoe.

B's eyes widened dangerously and something in the cogs and pegs stapled together in the inner workings of his mind broke, a flaw not even death could wash away. "Nothing like me?" he echoed quietly. "Heh…. Heheheheheh…..HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…. NOTHING LIKE ME, IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK KIRA!?" he cackled, the vortex around them twisting and blowing about in a whirl of color which began to quickly take shape. The nothingness in which they stood became green with summer grass, the city of Tokyo rising in the distance, a collection of tombstones bursting from the ground with the strength of the others laughter biding them fourth, a god shaping his own little snow globe of a world. When everything settled B forced Light to face the opposite side of the crafted cemetery where the laughing figure of a madman resided kneeling on a strangers grave; his chestnut hair glowed red in the sunlight, face twisted into an inhuman snarl as he shouted at the dead earth in hopes of reaching the man buried seven feet beneath- the man he had held, kissed, loved, and killed without any remorse, without any _feeling_.

"_WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT L!? THIS IS MY PERFECT VICTORY!"_

"Stop it!" Light tried to break from his hold, shutting his eyes to block out the vision of himself, the insanity slipping through. "It wasn't like that, I had to lie, I had to lie to cover everything!"

"And now your lying to yourself, the pathetic creature that you are! LOOK AT YOURSELF!" He used his free hand to pry open the man's eyelids, pulling a horrendous cry from Lights throat as he forced him to stare at his own memory. "Your talking to a dead man- your so hell bent on being right you can't even show any remorse for the man you fucked so many long nights." B laughed, feeling the other strain at the impact of the word. "Does that bother you Kira? Knowing that you're just like me?"

"I'm not, I'm not, I'm-" he stammered feeling tears well up in his eyes from the pain of the demons fingers and his own frustration. The liquid grazed the others skin and he pushed him down onto the cold grass, pinning him down so he was straddling him with his legs, trapping his hands above his head. "No matter what you say you've realized it Kira," he giggled, eyes glowing in the fading sunlight. "Your love for him is no different than mine. Your selfish- you ignored the weight your love put on his shoulders and basked in the glow of it all by yourself. You had no care for his emotions and you cared even less when you regained your memories. You took the twisted fairytale the two of you wove together and instead of keeping him for yourself, you sacrificed him to the nothingness and in return named yourself a _god_."

"What would you have done?" Light choked, face wrapped in the tattered remains of his pride. "If I'm so much like you, tell me- What would you have done!?"

A soft wind blew throughout the cemetery and with it, took the shadowed figures into its oblivion leaving B and Light alone. For a second the madness seemed to let up in his features, like a break in a storm giving Light hope for his release.

Unfortunately, A sadistic smirk slipped into its place.

"You want to know what I would have done?" he whispered, lips brushing gently across his neck sending a shiver so powerful down Lights spine it made his toes curl. "I would have kept him. I would have kept him all to myself and we would have played together… we would have created our own world away from everyone else." His words seemed to fuel him and the hidden desires rose to the surface, clouding his head. B's fingers danced across Lights skin, nipping at his shoulder, brushing the hair away from his eyes in a mocking act of love. "You see, I can play god too Kira." B stared into his eyes and smiled with all the innocence and hell the world of nothingness had stolen from him all these years. "I'm just more selfish- and you can write that down in your tainted book of morals."

The coldness was unbearable- this man sparked a fear in him but with it brought a need for touch, for embrace. L's death had left him starved and now this… this copy was slithering about him.

But he was a good copy… a believable copy with enough sin to go around for the both of them.

"Do you want to kiss him Kira?" B whispered dragging his nail down the side of his face. "Do you want to create your own little world with him too?"

Light leaned into the harsh touch, tilting his head up to reach him, faces inches apart as they breathed wicked words. "I'm not selfish like you." He sighed icily.

B smirked as he took his face into his hands. "Keep telling yourself that." Their lips touched forcefully, friction stemmed from hate and the love they shared for one man who was meant for neither of them. Light kissed him with the detectives name stapled to his tongue and tears built within his eyes from the burden while B was free to enjoy the others suffering and the twisted taste of the plot they were weaving without care. He bit the mans lip until it bled, tasted his blood against his tongue and shared it with the other until he could taste his sobs of pain. Beyond Birthday kissed Kira until he was nothing but a shivering wreck beneath him and pulled away to view the damage he had done with a satisfied smirk.

"He's going to be mad at me for doing this to you," he sighed, placing his thumb against one of the many cuts now decorating his lip and dug his nail into it until Light screamed. "But you've just so disgusting… I couldn't help myself."

He left him lying in the grass. Light was too shaken too move, too shocked to stand up and fight for the pride the other had stripped from him. The scene began to drift away in its usual whirl of color and B knelt down next to the other with a parting grin.

"Two more ghosts Kira." He informed Light, licking a stray of blood from his bottom lip. "I'll see you in Mu when all of this I over. No change of ways is going to change where you end up- not even L can change that." And he covered Lights eyes with his hand, dragging him down into the darkness of his screaming mind, the sound of belles ringing from afar.

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I don't know where I'm going with this to tell you the truth. I'm writing this on and off at College and swore I would have it out by the end of the day Sunday and here I am at 12:43 AM Monday morning. Looking for critiques and suggestions from some of you to help me along. I have a basic plot and a cast set up but the details in between are killing me, such as what the ghosts show Light to change his ways. This ended up being darker than I planned but I guess that's the build up in me. Sorry if this kills your Christmas vibe, I will make it cheerier next chapter- promise!

Please review, I really appreciate it! New chapter next week.


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